Ramblings

I have a very patient partner. He's been working all day and still agrees to meet me for dinner. Very amicable, very understanding. I wish I could be like him.

After today's paper (it was the last of all terrible papers this semester, and the worst bit was that it was actually manageable but I think I did unsatisfactorily but let's stop the whining here), got down to lunch with Qianxin, Laura and Huixian. Then shopping. Bought a pair of shoes because Huixian wanted a discount (I suppose I can give them away but they seem a bit on the pretty side now).

And Papers. Fear not, them. I've got God.

Which is actually all that matters, isn't it? I've worked hard enough to justify my existence and my gratitude towards being in law school. I don't regret not studying harder because I've tried to keep up with work this semester. I don't regret getting that wee bit of confusion during the paper and writing something spastic. I don't regret, I simply don't. Come what may, whatever the results may be, good or bad, second upper or second lower. I thank God for even giving me this opportunity to be here, to take exams, to (attempt to) glorify Him in all things I do.

Thank You, God. :)

Hello?

Finally took some time to call my Filipino mommy, Pastora Gilda, who was sounded so excited to hear me again. The next Bible-distributing trip is here again and I can't join them, and I'm now not so sure if I would have wanted to, anyway even though the I miss the people and would really like to meet them again. Alas, I've decided that I'm not into 'mass' mission trips or spending 5 minutes of my life with people who just want to spend more time with you, to talk about needs and things that matter. 5 minutes, of condensing my life and thoughts into a little speech and then leaving, apologising and wishing I had known each and every one of you, shared your dreams and your life. 5 minutes does not do justice and I will refuse to be caught in that dilemma again. I refuse to impose my ideals and beliefs on people in a mere 5 minutes, we would be kidding to ourselves if we think that we've fulfilled our 'jobs' for God.

Prayers. We share our troubles and prayer requests. We call, write snail mails and emails to update and show care and concern. I wish I can be there for you, to tell you that all is possible with God and that we are not afraid to pray and make our requests known. I miss you, you and you. And I do feel somewhat blessed, yet strangely guilty at the same time, to be in a better, a more comfortable position in Singapore, to be somewhere you yearn to visit. I want to be able to give unconditionally, to make dreams come true, to be selfless. And I should start working on that now. For now, I take comfort that we are bound in spirit and purpose, that we have the privilege to pray for each other. :)

Sliding

whizzing crashing drowning

in depression. Saturdays are not meant for staying in and moping. Nor are they meant for soaking pillows and bolsters.

So much for dealing with too many people you love but disappoint. Been having too much of such disappointment this week, it's painful. We talk about visions, goals, directions, about loving each other, about being in this together, about serving God together.

But we do not do what we preach. Imperfect people struggling to make perfect sense of things.

Wonderland

So my geek boyfriend tells me that he refuses to open a Facebook account. Inspired by Yixian (who created an account for Wai Han who basically said the same thing), I created one for him. It was fun! Much more fun than creating my own account. I had the honour of putting up various photos (his profile picture features him in a vampire suit and a mismatched pair of feathery wings) and tagging people and adding friends. And so my geek boyfriend tells me 'if you want to maintain it, it's your choice'.

This explains my pleasant surprise when I logged on to Facebook today and saw the elaborated information updated, the 3 or 4 applications added, the sudden increase of friends in his account. Resistance is futile, afterall, my boyfriend is a self-professed geek and will tell anyone, especially those who insist that technology is evil, that he is proud of being a geek. And so he tells me that he just wants to make sure that 'his online interests are correctly represented' (paraphrased). I think, especially the World of Warcraft bit.

Oh oh, you never fail to amaze and amuse me. :D

Slacking

is a never-ending cycle.

Thanks to Wai Han's recommendation, I'm currently reading 'Special Topics in Calamity Physics' by Marisha Pessl and am hopelessly addicted to it. It's the wit and humour that makes me want to slouch in bed and read all day. And also because it's a preferable alternative to Vita Food Products Inc v Unus Shipping Co Ltd or Akai Industries v People's Insurance Co Ltd. And what not...you get the idea.

I weep at the brief whiff of courage that convinced me to take up Conflicts this semester.

Nice Day

Really nice day today. Ended class quite early and then a surprise sms to meet up for lunch with Crall, ZY, Laura, Huixian and Dawn. Slacked around a bit, slacked around a bit more while the others rush their presentations. Slacked around a little little bit more at the bench, talked to Natalie, engaged in what I suppose would be meaningful conversations. Then watched 'Pan-kun' on Youtube, not so meaningful but definitely a good laugh.

Took a walk through the Botanic Gardens and then to Orchard with Wai Han. Totally hilarious outing and I really appreciated the company of looking at clothes when we were supposed to be looking out for birthday presents. Of talking about things that matter and do not matter.

Frankness is always welcoming and almost always underrated.

And I feel vaguely comforted to be a fashion idiot, at the very least in a culture of consumerism.

Anthropology

So much for complaining that learning nothing from Legal Anthropology. I do think I was being rebellious about it, choosing to say that I didn't enjoy it when I actually did learn much from it. God showed me that it was His plan for me to take the Anthropology module because of today's talk about unlearning the colonial missions we are so used to. Vinoth Ramachandra is an excellent speaker and what he said made everything so relevant, made God so relevant, made witnessing so relevant. The snippets of knowledge I got from Anthropology translated into the tangible, the applicable and I actually understood what he was talking about when he went through the colonial missions and how only when we encounter the 'Other' we uncover our blind spots. Okay, really difficult to put it in coherent language here because it's late and my dreams are beckoning.

It was refreshing and I feel suddenly awakened from that drought I felt for a long time. I do feel extremely blessed.